Monday, February 22, 2010

Would You Rather Be the Cheater? Or the Cheated Upon?

It's something of a rhetorical question. And I'm not encouraging anyone to act on their choice. (Indeed, I'd strongly discourage anyone from having a revenge affair!)
But it's a question I've considered before. And it's currently being asked on the BeyondAffairs site...which got me thinking again.
Even in the midst of the most excruciating pain I'd known, I never wished to be in my husband's shoes. In spite of sometimes feeling he'd been "rewarded" for his cheating by the sex, the variety, the excitement, I knew that the shame and guilt and self-disgust he was experiencing hardly made it worth it.
However, that was my situation. What about you? Knowing what you now know, which side of the affair would you choose? Perhaps you've been on both sides? Share your thoughts...


  1. i agree. i have so little to cling to, at least i know i'm a "good person." i've made mistakes, but none like that. i can move on (if i need to, at this point i don't know) with a clear conscience.

  2. I think I see both sides, but probably won't ever know for sure. I like what Twice Bitten said about knowing that you're taking the high road, which i am. But I'm jealous. I wish I got to experience the intensity and excitement, even if it came with guilt and drama.

    1. Yes, the desire to experience that excitement can be soooo tempting. But frankly, I think the pricetag – my integrity – is too high.




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