Thursday, July 8, 2010

When "Time" Feels Like a Four-Letter Word

Anyone who's experienced grief has no doubt been told that "time heals all wounds", "things will get better with time", "time is a wise counsellor" and blah blah f'ing blah.
After my D-day, time felt far more like an enemy than a friend. The thought of dragging myself through another day, another week, another month of this version of hell seemed like far more than I could manage.
And yet, what most of us are seeking in the aftermath of betrayal, is assurance that time will heal. That memories will fade. That mind movies will stop. That our heart will one day beat without pain.
The good news is that's an assurance I can give. Happily, easily and with confidence.
The bad news is that I can't give you a timeline.
That largely depends on your situation (has your husband cut off all contact? is he remorseful? has he or you left the marriage and created a separation agreement? is the OW out of your life? and so on...) and on how you're handling it.
The more you can find support for yourself through this, I believe, the quickly you'll get through it. The better able you are to manage the inevitable pain (running into the OW, explaining to your children, finding more information...), the more quickly you'll move to a place where the pain lessens.
It will take time...that four-letter word.
But with time, you'll be able to hear a certain song, or look at a particular photograph or talk about the affair(s) with a friend without feeling as if your heart is in a vise.

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